Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
