did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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