Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
