Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
sarcasm needs its own font
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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