Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
