I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
