dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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