It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
