You made me cry and you don't even care
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
