she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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