you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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