I can text with my tongue
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
