I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
