she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Blood and glitter go together right?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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