He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
