Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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