Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
