She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
