Everything about him screamed your future.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
