What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
