sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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