Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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