from now on my penis is your penis
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
