Swine flu. Run for my life!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
