things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
smell my finger.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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