I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
