phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
