I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
