dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
