bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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