Small penises have feelings too.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
dude. I can hear the air.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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