I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
