it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
