I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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