Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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