How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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