The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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