I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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