I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
