Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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