I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
