You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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