If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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