he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
