We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
