You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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