ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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