i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
