You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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