Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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