Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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