the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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