spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
