I smell stomach acid.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
