So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
