hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
