How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
