so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
