Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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