does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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