it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
